10 Things Your Congregation Can Do To Welcome People Who Are Attracted To People Of More Than One Gender
From Interweave Continental
This pamphlet gives ideas and insights into how to welcome people who are attracted to people of more than one gender.
People who identify as being romantically or sexually attracted to people of more than one gender do not all prefer the same term. "Bisexual" is the most widely recognized term for people who are attracted to people of more than one gender, but not everyone who is attracted to people of more than one gender identifies with that word. This is especially true because many people perceive more than two sexes and genders, and the prefix "bi" seems to confirm society's assertion that there are exactly two genders or sexes. Other terms that people may identify with include Ambisexual, Bisexual, Heteroflexible, Homoflexible, Omnisexual, Pansexual, Pansensual, Queer. The may identify as Gay, Lesbian, Heterosexual, Straight, or not identify with any sexual identity word.
People who are attracted to anyone but someone of "the opposite" gender or sex are often wary of churches. Many denominations, churches, and congregants are actively hostile and condemn them. Others ignore them, sending the message that they are welcome as long as they don't challenge the assumption that they are heterosexual. Still others claim to be "blind to" sexual orientation and treat everyone the same, refusing to acknowledge that bi/omni/pan/queer people face additional oppression in this society. Because of this, many of these people will assume that you and your church don't want them unless you clearly invite them in.
Members of oppressed groups, including people who are attracted to people of more than one gender, don't want to be the center of attention all the time. On the other hand, they do have concerns and struggles that are mostly unnoticed or discounted in our society. To feel welcome in your church, these people need to know that the congregation is aware of their issues and that they are welcome as their full selves. In particular, people who are attracted to people of more than one gender have often been unwelcome among people who identify as gay or lesbian, as well as in society as a whole. Because many people who are attracted to people of more than one gender do not identify as gay or lesbian, you will need to welcome more than "gay" and "lesbian" people.
People who identify as bisexual, omnisexual, pansexual, pansensual, etc., may be uneasy until they know they are welcome. You can make this clear without their having to ask.
ONE: On your congregation’s web site, on your answering machine, and in print, radio, and TV ads, state that you welcome people of all genders and sexual identities, and you welcome families of all kinds. This lets people know that they are welcome and that their families (their life partners and their children, including those by adoption, alternative insemination, and former partners) are welcome to attend with them, and that they will be respected and treated as a family. Even if they first learned of your congregation from a member or a newspaper ad, more than 90% of your visitors have check the congregation out on the web before coming in person, and unless you give them reason to believe that they will be welcome, people who are attracted to people of more than one gender may never step foot in your door.
TWO: Put the same statement in your weekly Order Of Service, announcements, or anything else that gets handed out routinely. In your literature area and on your bulletin boards, display pamphlets about bisexuality and people who are attracted to people of more than one gender, about their issues, and about what your congregation and its members are doing about those issues. For general literature that communicates that BGLQT* people are welcome in your congregation, include pamphlets from Interweave Continental and the UUA. For more pamphlets specifically about bisexuality, see the Bisexual Resource Center at www.BiResource.org. Post a description of Interweave Continental's Bisexuality Curriculum and the UUA's the Welcoming Congregation, Living the Welcoming Congregation, Weaving the Fabric of Diversity, and be sure to announce if a workshop series is happening or about to happen.
Little things are often the most important. What will really make people feel welcome, and what will make them want to return to your church, is intentional inclusion in all aspects of church life.
THREE: Provide written suggestions for inclusive language to all people who write for and edit the church newsletter; who participate in your worship services (including ministers, lay leaders, readers of announcements and readings, guest speakers); who lead your religious education programs for children, youth, and adults; and who lead other programs in the church. Encourage them to incorporate these suggestions when they write new material, and to consider rephrasing readings, announcements, curricula, etc. which they prepare or present. They can indicate that they have updated or modified the language, if they choose. In particular, note that “gay”, “lesbian”, and “gay and lesbian” are not considered inclusive by many transgender people and by many people who are attracted to people of more than one gender.
FOUR: If your services include a time for people to participate as a family (such as lighting a candle to start the service), invite families of all descriptions to take a turn in that part of the service. Over time, you can include a wide variety of families: single adults, single adults with children, same- and mixed-gender couples with and without children, families of choice, etc.
FIVE: Accord full acknowledgment and respect to each person and to each person's family, however they define it. There are few more demoralizing and alienating experiences for anyone than to be told (explicitly or implicitly) that their family ties to their siblings, parents, children, partners, etc. are not real. If people function as a couple or a family and consider themselves a couple or family, ask them and treat them as they ask to be treated in all aspects of your church's life. This includes the definition of pledging units, listings in the church directory, family events, and all other aspects of church life.
Most people have lots of misinformation about people who are attracted to people of more than one gender. Address this directly in your congregation.
SIX: Educate yourselves as a congregation. Run workshop series such as the Bisexuality Curriculum from Interweave Continental; the Welcoming Congregation, Living the Welcoming Congregation, Weaving The Fabric Of Diversity, Our Whole Lives (all levels) from the UUA.
SEVEN: Start an Interweave chapter affiliated with Interweave Continental. From the outset, intentionally welcome transgender people and people who are attracted to people of more than one gender.
EIGHT: Have sermons and services on attraction to people of more than one gender. Ask your Ministers and Directors of Religious Education to do supportive sermons. If your congregation has out people who are attracted to people of more than one gender, invite them to do a lay sermon or an entire worship service, if they wish. If not, invite people from another church, community, district, or denominational organization to do a service at your church.
NINE: Emphasize the inter-relatedness of all oppressions, and weave this into everything that your church does. Offer Weaving the Fabric of Diversity, which discusses oppression on the basis of race, disability, sexual identity, and gender. Emphasize that oppression (treating someone as other than fully and simply human on the basis of perceived membership in some group) is always wrong, that there is much in common among all oppressions, and that oppression on the basis of sex/gender roles; sexual identity; gender identity; gender expression, age (youth, young adult, or old age); race; class (money or status); disability; etc. must be seen in a larger context as well as separately. Working to end only one kind of oppression allows other oppressions, and the idea that oppression is OK, to flourish. We need to understand the interrelationship of all oppressions, and to oppose the idea that any oppression is OK.
Advertise your welcome outside of your congregation.
TEN: Because many people who are attracted to people of more than one gender are members of the organized BGLQT* communities, advertise your welcome in local or regional BGLQT* papers. To find out about BGLQT* publications in your area, contact the Bisexual Resource Center or your local BGLQT* bookstore (often known as a "gay bookstore"), search online, or call a local help line or other community organization. When you contact these groups, ask them to add your congregation to their list of resources, and to refer people to you who are looking for a local church to attend. Because many people who are attracted to people of more than one gender are not part of any BGLQT* organization or community, advertise your welcome in general venues: in local newspapers and on bulletin boards in grocery stores, libraries, community centers, the Y, and wherever else you think of. You may want to post a listing in appropriate (local) electronic mailing lists and web sites. Take a group of children, youth, and adults to attend nearby Pride Day celebrations (often in June) and carry your church's banner in the Pride Parade. Build activities around celebrations at various times of the year. Search online for resources.
- February 11 - Anniversary of the first same-gender marriage in Winnipeg, Canada.
- February 14 - Valentine's Day - celebrating all people's love.
- April - Day of Silence - bring attention to anti-LGBT bullying, harassment and discrimination.
- June - BGLQT* Pride Day - Commemorating the Stonewall Rebellion in 1969.
- September - Celebrate Bisexuality Day
- October - Ally Week - identify and support Allies who are committed to addressing anti-LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) bullying and harassment.
- October - (US) National Coming Out Day
- November - Transgender Day of Remembrance - educate about ending violence based on gender identity/expression.
Resources
- Interweave Continental - www.InterweaveContinental.org
- Bisexual Resource Center - www.biresource.org – pamphlets
- BiNet/USA - www.binetusa.org
- Unitarian Universalist Association – www.UUA.org
- UUA Office of Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian, Transgender Concerns – obgltc@uua.org
- Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network - GLSEN.org, DayOfSilence.org - resources for various events, and for student organizing.
This pamphlet was last updated 2007 November. You are free to reproduce and distribute it with your contact information at the bottom.
